sweet little patient

I found out today that I get to go to my first patient visit this Thursday! I am excited and so nervous at the same time. I just feel so overwhelmed because I don't know a thing about drugs or very much about getting patient history. But I find comfort in the fact that I can talk to a tree so I will talk to them if thats all I can do. Of course I won't be able to post details or HIPPA will be knocking on my front door but I am pretty stinking excited! I hope its a sweet little patient. I don't know if i can handle mean ones this week :)

dislike

Have you ever been in a situation where no matter what you do, someone is determined to dislike you? Even the lack of doing something is doing something bad? No amount of talking, or not talking, or being honest can change the way this person feels about you? I for sure have. I am right now. I have tried everything I know to do to make the situation better and its actually not any better at all. It might even be worse than before I started trying to make it better. It is so aggravating and discouraging at the same time. I forgive this person for everything they've done but they still go out of their way to be rude to me (more than others). It is so difficult to live around every single day. Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone". I am encouraged that the first part of that verse is included. IF it is possible, as far as it depends on YOU....I can only take responsibility for my own actions. If the person refuses to believe that I am not out to get them,  then there may not be much more I can do than to continue to pray and try to be nice. I am going to choose to obey the golden rule in Luke 6:31 "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". The Lord will judge me for my actions and that person for theirs. I love Jesus and I am going to make a choice to act like it.
When God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed.

highlight

Today was the first morning of pharmacy school that I considered skipping. I didn't...but I REALLY wanted to. I was so sleepy this morning for some reason and it was so tempting. There's just something about being able to watch class on video anytime I want that makes sleeping in seem like a good option. I am actually getting so much of my work done before it is due. I am even going to SI for the first time ever. I hope I see some good grades to show off my hard work. I am in mammalian all over again because...we all know that story. Every single day sitting in class, I am just so angry that I have to be there. I am so mad at Dr. Wit because of his unfairness, his rudeness, his whole attitude. And knowing I have to sit and listen to him for another semester makes me so ill. Maybe one day I will get over it...maybe.

I am off to go study a little more and then get some rest. I got some new highlighters so I am ready to mark all over my notes! It is pretty sad when the highlight of my day is just that.

parting is such sweet sorrow

Today I woke up SUPER early and drove to Trussville for Josh's grandmother's funeral. It was such a good service. I had to hold back my tears for sure. There is such a peace in knowing that Mawmaw Holderfield is in Heaven with Jesus. Right where she has wanted to be her whole life. Please continue to pray for all of the family. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a parent or even a grandparent. God will be glorified through the life that she lived. It was great though because I got to meet some of Josh's family that they don't get to see very much at all. It was great to hear all kinds of stories about mawmaw that I hadn't heard. She will obviously be very missed.

Pharmacy school is already feeling a little overwhelming. I just can feel things starting to pile up on me and I am getting nervous. I am trying to stay on top of it to the best of my ability. I already feel like I need 6 naps a day. I will get through it though. God has seen me through so much already that I have no doubts that if I put in the work, I will be rewarded. God is too good.

tear

Josh's grandmother passed away today. She was so stinkin sweet. It makes me so sad. Times like this make me glad that I am a girl. I would have had a couple of good cries and gotten out my emotions but Josh is a guy and thats not how they work. Hopefully his family will wait until Saturday to have the funeral so both of can go and not miss school. I am trying my hardest to be supportive and comforting so I really want to be there for him. It was so hard when I couldn't go to his grandfather's funeral earlier this year. Just keep him and his family in your prayers as they go through this rough time.

Club Target

Since the freshman are just moving in, this week is Welcome Week. I never go to any events. Even when I was a freshman, I just never went to anything. This year its totally different. I went to fan day yesterday with Josh and my family. Then tonight we went to Target after hours (10:30 when they close at 10). It was a complete success. I went because I needed to get a few more shirts for pharmacy school. We got there a few minutes early and there was a huge line waiting outside. They were handing out free cokes and coupons books. Since I haven't had a coke since January 1st, I took the coupons. Once we got inside it was like Club Target. They had music playing, a DJ, free samples...it was craziness. I looked around a little bit for some clothes and got some things for our 2 year scrapbook. Then once we were leaving they gave us all goodie bags. I have to give it up to Target for the quality of the bags. There was everything from tampons, to colgate wisps, to 5 gum, to combos. There was even 4 different kinds of deoderant. It was probably the best goodie bag that I have ever gotten. It was a good little experience to have with the roomies, Josh, and Vince.

The last time I went to the doctor, She told me I had a heart murmur. I have to go back in tomorrow to get an EKG. Even though its not a big deal, I am still a little nervous. I am making Josh go with me to hold my hand :)  Just keep me in your prayers tomorrow at 1:30.

baggage

This is a little lengthy and a little honest so bear with me. This morning we all went to Church of the Highlands here in Auburn. My cousin Tyler just moved to Auburn (sweet freshman) so he tagged along to try it out. The message was just so amazing. We are doing a series called Baggage. It is all about how everyone has things that they carry around with them that just weigh them down and make the journey through life more difficult. Today's message was about relational baggage(some sort of deep hurt that we suffered and has even come to define us). We read this story in Genesis that is literally 6 verses long. It is Genesis 11:27-28;31-32. "This is the account of Terah. Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. And Haran became the father of Lot. While his father Terah was still alive, Haran died in Ur of the Chaldeans, in the land of his birth...Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan. But when they came to Haran, they settled there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Haran."
I probably NEVER would have caught the point of this story. Terah's son HARAN died. God must have called him to go to Canaan for him to just pack up his family and go. However, on the way He went through a town called HARAN and he settled there and even died there. He could not get over the death of his son. To get from where he was to where God called him to be he had to get through that baggage. Terah never let go of that and it kept him from God's potential. That is the last time he is mentioned in the Bible. The point of this message was that Relational baggage keeps us from our potential and can also destroy our relationship with God. Every attack of the enemy is to keep you from your purpose. Pastor Chris also talked about how the relational baggage that we carry cant be healed until we release the people involved. Our relationship with people and Christ is inseparable. Jesus said "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39. You have to love God AND love people. This is where it hit me like a brick in my forehead. Do I always love people? Do I forgive others the way that I want God to forgive me? I know the answer to that is a big fat no. There is one person in particular that I just cannot stand to even think about. They did and do things sometimes that just make me so angry I could hit something. Some of the things hurt me emotionally and some of them just make me mad as a fellow Christian. The biggest reason I don't like them is most definitely my relational baggage. I won't go into details but lets just say I cried over this thing and I still get very emotional if I talk about it. So this morning I was forced to ask myself...does this thing with this person keep me from what God wants to do with and through me? The answer could possibly be yes. This person could quite possibly have their own relational baggage because of me. I have no idea. But I am right now revealing the hurt, releasing the people involved, and refocusing on God's plan for my life. Job 11:13-16 says "Put your heart right, reach out to God...then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are past and remembered no more." That is solid right there.