things to come

so as most of you probably already know, i love missions of any sort. when i graduate from pharmacy school i want to go on medical missions trips. i went on alternative spring break last year and also went to brazil for 10 days and they were both so incredible. i was going to go back this year but the dates got changed so i will already be in summer classes. once i found out that i would be going yet another summer without a mission trip i started looking towards summer of 2011. pharmacy school does not have summer classes. there are a few along the way that you can take but i won't be doing that :) church of the highlands normally has a mission trip to africa every summer and i really just felt God lay that on my heart. its always pretty expensive but God showed that money was no option when it came to paying for brazil so that is not even one of my worries. i am and will be doing things in the meantime to prepare both my heart and my bank account. i will share one of those things shortly (after i give stacie her birthday present.) i just know that somehow some way i will be in africa next summer if thats where the Lord continues to lead me. please keep me in your prayers as i continue on this journey.
i finished up my finals on friday. thank goodness. but then i had to wor 20 hours this weekend. now i have a one week break in between today and going to the beach with josh's family which i cannot wait for. during that one week i have a list of things to get done. i bought a fabulous armoire at the thrift store (the best) but right now it is a gross yellow-ish color so i need it to be black and awesome and to have new curtains on the doors of it. i also picked up a wrought iron stool off my neighbors curb and i need to paint it. i have already recovered and repadded it but it still needs some work. the last thing is my tv stand. it brown and needs to be black.
so here is my list:
*paint armoire
*sew curtains
*paint stool
*paint tv stand
i will post before and afters when everything is done. pray the rain doesnt ruin my plans.
i also think that my lola cat is going to be a mommy. i am not 100% sure but im like 90%. shes been acting strange in both good and bad ways. shes been very very snuggly but then shes peed in the bathtub like 3 times. shes very weird but hopefully she is with child :) having little kittens for a few weeks would be so much fun. so if you know anyone who wants one i will keep you posted.
p.s. congrats to annilee! i cannot wait to meet baby number 2!

x marks the spot

exes. almost everyone has them. most of them are terrible. some people are actually friends with their exes. if they are exes from middle school or if you only dated for like 2 weeks then thats a possibility. however, if you dated recently or for a long period of time i will never understand how you can be "just friends". you come to know that person as more than a friend and that is the type of relationship that cannot go backwards. so you have to end it completely. some people do not understand this fact. in the past year or so i have encountered quite a few people who just don't get it. you are the ex and it is going to stay that way. it is even worse when your ex looks like old gregg or ursula from the little mermaid. you dont want to tell them "listen i dont want to be friends because i am embarassed that we even went out" but they just do not get it. so i am going to help everyone out for the future. here it goes.

attention exes: it is not ok to call/text/facebook/email once your no longer significant other tells you it is over. if they talk to you first, fine. you also should not call and hang up because they automatically assume it is you once it comes up private number or as "dont answer" because they have you saved that way. it is also not ok to continue to call/text/facebook/email once they tell you "do not call me anymore...you are driving me crazy". the most not ok thing to do is to contact their new significant other especially if he/she is a person that you have never met in your life. this includes talking about books, music, school, plans after graduation, or even about life in general. just because you went out with someone does not put you in the middle of their new relationship. if i start dating someone, i do not care what his ex has to say. most people understand that you were "in love" with this person so you are having to get over them but they are completely over you. they probably deleted your pictures, burned your scrapbook, notes, that dumb stuffed animal and haven't thought about you again. if you still have pictures of your ex, delete them. still having pictures on facebook or even on your computer is completely weird. you need to finally face the fact that both the relationship and your friendship is over and move on. just know if you don't want your feelings hurt or if you dont want people to say you are a crazy...dont be one. its that simple.

home sweet home

I am FINALLY back in Clay, Alabama. I have missed this. Not so much the place but most definitely the people. I know I only live 2 hours away but life is so busy right now that I have not been home since January. Tomorrow is Ash's shower and I can't wait to spend hours with my friends. Speaking of Ash, I finally found my shoes for her wedding. They are grey and so cute. Only problem is that they are 4 inch heels. If I kept them that way that would make me 6'3'' aka a GIANT so I am having them shortened an inch. Who even knew they did that? Thanks Opelika shoe repair. You are my hero for right now. I also am so incredibly bummed that I cannot go back to Brazil this year. I had money and everything and the dates of the trip changed just enough that I cannot go now. Next year when I have a real summer break, mission trips will be a top priority. I have been missing quite a bit.
I have learned so much this week about myself. No matter how much I say that I am over things or that I do not care about them, I do. Even if I try to tell myself I don't care, that does not make it true. Some people are put here to see if you mean what you say. Some people no matter what you do will always find a way to bring themselves back into your life even if they have no idea. I know I am supposed to forgive everyone all the time but sometimes it is easier said than done. Where is the line drawn between forgiveness and protecting yourself from that again? Yes things happened in the past. Yes you were told about them. But that does not make you exempt from their impact. I am an emotional person. I take things personally. Some things are incredibly important to me that some people don't find important at all. Some things hurt me and I never really get over them. I just have to live around them. I shove them to the side and shrug it off. I rest in the fact that God knows that about me because he made me. For that reason He knows how to help me deal with that imperfection in myself. It is so cool how God uses things to teach us. Things that hurt my feelings every time they are brought up only shove me deeper into the comfort of Christ. People will always let you down. Always. But Christ never never will. That in itself completely blows my mind. We are human and we will feel pain and hurt and disappointment and we won't always feel great about everything but God promises good things.
Romans 5 3-5 "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." (NLT)
No matter how many times certain people hurt my feelings, no matter how many times I make big deals out of small ones, now matter how many times certain hurtful things keep getting brought up, ALL of these things will bring me closer to God and his love that is constantly surrounding me. So bring it on world.

I Will Not Take My Love Away
by: Matt Wertz
I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
While the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away
I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there's no yield for what you've sown
I will not leave you all alone
I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always look to me
And I will give you what you need.

march

I cannot believe that it is almost April. Where does the time go? (that sounds like a grandmother) I am getting ready to take round 3 of tests and I am starting to stress out, of course. However, I have decided to start running again. It really helped me manage my stress before so I hope it helps this time. I hope to run a 5k at the end of April. Josh ran one today. I on the other hand was not so prepared for the hills. Give me straight roads and I could go all day but throw a hill in there and I am out just like that. Besides hanging the frames and painting the new furniture I got, I am finished with my room renovation. I decided last weekend that I needed to "womanize" my room. I still had a little girl's room and since I will be here for 4 more years it was time to upgrade. Once I made my decision to womanize, I got right to it and got everything thats going to be done right now done in one week (thanks to josh and his truck). Now all thats left to do is paint my amazing new armoire that I got courtesy of the thrift store and tv stand which I won't have time to do until summer. A few weeks ago, we went to the beach for spring break. It was just what I needed. While I did at moments wish I was on Alternative Spring Break again this year, I knew that I need to sit, relax, and get some rest for one week out of the semester. But leave it to me to read books on my week away from school. I bought The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks to take to read on the beach. I read it in 2 days and ended up laying out by the pool crying. At one point Josh asked if I wanted to get in the pool because he saw my face sweating. I had to inform him that that was not sweat but instead tears because my book was so so good. He of course made fun of me and I couldn't do anything but laugh at myself. I have become my mother. She is the world's worst cryer and I am following in her footsteps. It does not take much at all the get the waterworks flowing. I bought another NS book at the beach (The Lucky One) and read it and cried again. Saturday, while Josh worked, I drove to pick up his new kitten Hank. He is the cutest thing ever (besides my lola of course). He is also the most scared kitten I have ever seen. If you move he runs under the bed. He has gotten much better in the past 2 days but he still has a little ways to go. This is going to be a test of patience but he is too cute that it makes it all worth it. It makes me sad though that he is so scared. Speaking of sad, the wonderful Lauren Huff is moving away from me. She is either moving to Austin or to Washington DC both of which are way too far away from me. I will have to start saving for plane tickets. She is amazing and will be a famous graphic designer one day. You will see. In the mean time be praying for her and God's direction in her decisions. She cannot leave without a mike and eds/snobiz date :)

too long

Apparently I forgot that I even had a blog. I haven't written anything in almost an entire year. How crazy. I guess I should update you on life these days. Yesterday me and josh celebrated our one year. This past year has been so insane but so wonderful. We have had to get through a couple of things but we did and we're better because of it. He is such a blessing in my life and I couldnt imagine being without him. He is absolutely my best friend. We have so much fun together and I cannot wait for the next year. I love you deary. Also both josh and I found out that we were ACCEPTED to Auburn's Harrison School of Pharmacy. We will be in Auburn together for the next 4 years. God is just too good to even describe sometimes. I cannot even tell you how much I doubted that I was going to even get an interview but God did it. In the process he was teaching me patience, which if you know me you know I have none. not only did I get an interview I got an early interview. Because I have an awful gpa I was deferred. I had to wait 2 long, very stressful months. The Lord knew that would happen. It wasn't on accident that I made the best grades of my college career the one semester that my grades really mattered. God worked things together for the good. He promises it and he likes to show you that he is serious. I had to wait but both me and josh got the one email that we have been waiting for for the past 4 years at the same time. It was such a fun and exciting day and God definitely got all the glory. There is no way I can claim that one for myself. Since my last post my cat Bella died and now I have a new little one named Lola. She is a mess but so incredibly loving. Any cat who loves to snuggle is the perfect cat to me. She is so wonderful that josh now wants one of his own that can stay at his house. There has just been so much that has changed in the past year it is ridiculous. One of the biggest is this year I actually live in a house where everyone loves Jesus. I never knew how much I appreciated simple things like not having alcohol everywhere or even just being able to hang crosses in the living room. While the Lord taught me A LOT last year he also taught me I needed to be choosier about who I lived with. You need other christian girls to talk to about things and its so much easier when they are only a living room away. I haven't been home to clay in over a month now but I finally get to go tomorrow night. We're going to party for Mel's birthday and then Saturday my whole family is working with habitat for humanity. Also on Saturday I am going to take my little brother driving because he turns 15 on Monday. Everyone needs to watch out because Brian will be driving. As scary as that is I am so excited to see how much skill he has in his little honda. I have been doing homework for 5 hours now so I am going to finally go to bed. Hopefully it won't be another year until I write again.

these days

for some reason i have not written anything in what feels like forever! so much has happened in my life since january. i am in the library right now (NOT) studying for my last final of the semester. so far they have been so hard. on friday the 8th i will be boarding a plane to travel all day to brazil. God is so good. I sent out letters and raised money myself and when it came time to pay my way i had the exact amount i needed. i love when He shows off. we are going to be doing basketball camps and working with an orphanage. right up my alley. i am a big ball of emotions about this trip. i am excited to get away and to see all of the amazing things God is going to do in and through our group. i am nervous about getting yellow fever or swine flu (im praying for a kick butt immune system). i cannot wait to meet and get to know everyone that is going. i have such high expectations after ASB (Alternative Spring Break. for spring break i went with a group of 19 people to charleston, sc to work with habitat for humanity. it was literally THE best trip of my life. i came away with 19 new best friends. we see each other almost on a weekly basis. i am terribly sad some of them are graduation and leaving. i watched the dvd of the trip today and still teared up a little bit. it was amazing and i would encourage every student at auburn to apply next year. i will definitely be going again. i also have a new beau. his name is josh. we have been together a little over 2 months now. hes pretty darn great. now the house situation is reversed. at christmas time i was the only one going stag and now i am the only one who is taken. strange how it works out like that. the day after i get back from brazil i start my new job at CVS! finally a job that has something to do with my future (plus it pays pretty good). i am nervous and excited all at the same time. it always weird starting somewhere new because everyone already has their friends there. but they were new at some point. school this semester has really taken a toll on my relationships. its a little bit my fault but i just havent had the time that i want to devote to the people in my life. i go to class everyday, maybe nap, study and then im so tired i go right to sleep. i really let my relationships slip through the cracks this semester and i am really going to try to do better. i barely even talk to my mom anymore and i used to have a convo a day with her. i feel very disconnected. thank goodness i have a big God to remind me i am not alone and that He really is all i need. no matter how bad of a day i am having or how stressed out i am he is always bigger than those things. he loves me no matter what (thank goodness!) just knowing that makes any bad thing just a little bit better. Deuteronomy 31:8 says "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." it is so easy to let the enemy sneak in and tell us we are alone in what we are going through and there is no way out. we get stressed, worried, angry, etc. it is such a trick of the enemy. Jesus has been where we are and he is with us through those times. do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. he is ALWAYS there. your prayers matter and your life matters to him ALWAYS.

a little random i know but you love me anyways.

lovelovelovelovelove

Its been almost a month since I've written anything. Christmas and New Years came and went before I even realized. My break was amazing but I am very glad to be back at my own house. There's just something about having your own bed that makes it home. Things have been so crazy lately. School has started back and I am once again overwhelmed. I am taking psychology of learning, genomic biology, immunology, and biochemistry. I'm not sure how it will end up but I do know it is going to be a rough semester. Wrestling season is starting back up next week and I am really sturggling with what time I have to dedicate to what things in my life. Also, tomorrow starts 21 days of prayer and fasting at church. I am still struggling with what to fast. I've thought about a few different things but all of them just seem too normal and not personal. I cannot wait to see what God is going to do in these upcoming 3 weeks. It is so cool to know that so many people are fasting and spending so much quality time with Christ all at the same time. It is so encouraging. God is just really moving here in auburn. Church of the Highlands just started their college service called ONE on Thursday night. It was so awesome to be in a room full of people my same age who are seeking Christ when it is not the ordinary. every one of the people who came were there because they wanted to be there. Not because their mom and dad made them but because they wanted to encounter Jesus. It is just so refreshing to know that I am not alone in the life that I am living. God has a way of reminding me that he is always here right beside me. Whenever I am feeling so discouraged he shows me something or sends me someone to show me that it is ok. Me having the science oriented brain that I have, I do better with seeing things and proving them to understand them. Hebrews 11:1 says "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." While I believe in God and I put my faith and my everything in him and him alone, sometimes my science brain gets the best of me and I start to ask why, or how, or why not. God knows this about me because he created me. He knows I need a little encouraging and even sometimes I need to be put in my place. He could do it in other ways but because he knows me to the core of my being, he knows how to get my attention and he knows how to SHOW me that he is loving me always. Just like people have different love languages within their earthly relationships, Christ has one with each and every one of us. He knows my love language and he is the absolute expert at it. I know it is old school but this song has just spoken to me lately.

Jesus, Lover of my soul,
Jesus, I will never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the Rock,
and now i know
I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end

I love Jesus and I will live for him because I know where he brought me from and I know that I cannot do it alone. No matter what happens in my life, I NEED him. It is not an option. I have to have him. I have to know him. I have to be captivated by him. His love is more than I could ever even begin to imagine.