these days

for some reason i have not written anything in what feels like forever! so much has happened in my life since january. i am in the library right now (NOT) studying for my last final of the semester. so far they have been so hard. on friday the 8th i will be boarding a plane to travel all day to brazil. God is so good. I sent out letters and raised money myself and when it came time to pay my way i had the exact amount i needed. i love when He shows off. we are going to be doing basketball camps and working with an orphanage. right up my alley. i am a big ball of emotions about this trip. i am excited to get away and to see all of the amazing things God is going to do in and through our group. i am nervous about getting yellow fever or swine flu (im praying for a kick butt immune system). i cannot wait to meet and get to know everyone that is going. i have such high expectations after ASB (Alternative Spring Break. for spring break i went with a group of 19 people to charleston, sc to work with habitat for humanity. it was literally THE best trip of my life. i came away with 19 new best friends. we see each other almost on a weekly basis. i am terribly sad some of them are graduation and leaving. i watched the dvd of the trip today and still teared up a little bit. it was amazing and i would encourage every student at auburn to apply next year. i will definitely be going again. i also have a new beau. his name is josh. we have been together a little over 2 months now. hes pretty darn great. now the house situation is reversed. at christmas time i was the only one going stag and now i am the only one who is taken. strange how it works out like that. the day after i get back from brazil i start my new job at CVS! finally a job that has something to do with my future (plus it pays pretty good). i am nervous and excited all at the same time. it always weird starting somewhere new because everyone already has their friends there. but they were new at some point. school this semester has really taken a toll on my relationships. its a little bit my fault but i just havent had the time that i want to devote to the people in my life. i go to class everyday, maybe nap, study and then im so tired i go right to sleep. i really let my relationships slip through the cracks this semester and i am really going to try to do better. i barely even talk to my mom anymore and i used to have a convo a day with her. i feel very disconnected. thank goodness i have a big God to remind me i am not alone and that He really is all i need. no matter how bad of a day i am having or how stressed out i am he is always bigger than those things. he loves me no matter what (thank goodness!) just knowing that makes any bad thing just a little bit better. Deuteronomy 31:8 says "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." it is so easy to let the enemy sneak in and tell us we are alone in what we are going through and there is no way out. we get stressed, worried, angry, etc. it is such a trick of the enemy. Jesus has been where we are and he is with us through those times. do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU. he is ALWAYS there. your prayers matter and your life matters to him ALWAYS.

a little random i know but you love me anyways.

lovelovelovelovelove

Its been almost a month since I've written anything. Christmas and New Years came and went before I even realized. My break was amazing but I am very glad to be back at my own house. There's just something about having your own bed that makes it home. Things have been so crazy lately. School has started back and I am once again overwhelmed. I am taking psychology of learning, genomic biology, immunology, and biochemistry. I'm not sure how it will end up but I do know it is going to be a rough semester. Wrestling season is starting back up next week and I am really sturggling with what time I have to dedicate to what things in my life. Also, tomorrow starts 21 days of prayer and fasting at church. I am still struggling with what to fast. I've thought about a few different things but all of them just seem too normal and not personal. I cannot wait to see what God is going to do in these upcoming 3 weeks. It is so cool to know that so many people are fasting and spending so much quality time with Christ all at the same time. It is so encouraging. God is just really moving here in auburn. Church of the Highlands just started their college service called ONE on Thursday night. It was so awesome to be in a room full of people my same age who are seeking Christ when it is not the ordinary. every one of the people who came were there because they wanted to be there. Not because their mom and dad made them but because they wanted to encounter Jesus. It is just so refreshing to know that I am not alone in the life that I am living. God has a way of reminding me that he is always here right beside me. Whenever I am feeling so discouraged he shows me something or sends me someone to show me that it is ok. Me having the science oriented brain that I have, I do better with seeing things and proving them to understand them. Hebrews 11:1 says "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." While I believe in God and I put my faith and my everything in him and him alone, sometimes my science brain gets the best of me and I start to ask why, or how, or why not. God knows this about me because he created me. He knows I need a little encouraging and even sometimes I need to be put in my place. He could do it in other ways but because he knows me to the core of my being, he knows how to get my attention and he knows how to SHOW me that he is loving me always. Just like people have different love languages within their earthly relationships, Christ has one with each and every one of us. He knows my love language and he is the absolute expert at it. I know it is old school but this song has just spoken to me lately.

Jesus, Lover of my soul,
Jesus, I will never let you go
You’ve taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the Rock,
and now i know
I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end

I love Jesus and I will live for him because I know where he brought me from and I know that I cannot do it alone. No matter what happens in my life, I NEED him. It is not an option. I have to have him. I have to know him. I have to be captivated by him. His love is more than I could ever even begin to imagine.