sweet little patient

I found out today that I get to go to my first patient visit this Thursday! I am excited and so nervous at the same time. I just feel so overwhelmed because I don't know a thing about drugs or very much about getting patient history. But I find comfort in the fact that I can talk to a tree so I will talk to them if thats all I can do. Of course I won't be able to post details or HIPPA will be knocking on my front door but I am pretty stinking excited! I hope its a sweet little patient. I don't know if i can handle mean ones this week :)

dislike

Have you ever been in a situation where no matter what you do, someone is determined to dislike you? Even the lack of doing something is doing something bad? No amount of talking, or not talking, or being honest can change the way this person feels about you? I for sure have. I am right now. I have tried everything I know to do to make the situation better and its actually not any better at all. It might even be worse than before I started trying to make it better. It is so aggravating and discouraging at the same time. I forgive this person for everything they've done but they still go out of their way to be rude to me (more than others). It is so difficult to live around every single day. Romans 12:18 says, "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone". I am encouraged that the first part of that verse is included. IF it is possible, as far as it depends on YOU....I can only take responsibility for my own actions. If the person refuses to believe that I am not out to get them,  then there may not be much more I can do than to continue to pray and try to be nice. I am going to choose to obey the golden rule in Luke 6:31 "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". The Lord will judge me for my actions and that person for theirs. I love Jesus and I am going to make a choice to act like it.
When God is your reason for loving, your ability to love is guaranteed.

highlight

Today was the first morning of pharmacy school that I considered skipping. I didn't...but I REALLY wanted to. I was so sleepy this morning for some reason and it was so tempting. There's just something about being able to watch class on video anytime I want that makes sleeping in seem like a good option. I am actually getting so much of my work done before it is due. I am even going to SI for the first time ever. I hope I see some good grades to show off my hard work. I am in mammalian all over again because...we all know that story. Every single day sitting in class, I am just so angry that I have to be there. I am so mad at Dr. Wit because of his unfairness, his rudeness, his whole attitude. And knowing I have to sit and listen to him for another semester makes me so ill. Maybe one day I will get over it...maybe.

I am off to go study a little more and then get some rest. I got some new highlighters so I am ready to mark all over my notes! It is pretty sad when the highlight of my day is just that.

parting is such sweet sorrow

Today I woke up SUPER early and drove to Trussville for Josh's grandmother's funeral. It was such a good service. I had to hold back my tears for sure. There is such a peace in knowing that Mawmaw Holderfield is in Heaven with Jesus. Right where she has wanted to be her whole life. Please continue to pray for all of the family. I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a parent or even a grandparent. God will be glorified through the life that she lived. It was great though because I got to meet some of Josh's family that they don't get to see very much at all. It was great to hear all kinds of stories about mawmaw that I hadn't heard. She will obviously be very missed.

Pharmacy school is already feeling a little overwhelming. I just can feel things starting to pile up on me and I am getting nervous. I am trying to stay on top of it to the best of my ability. I already feel like I need 6 naps a day. I will get through it though. God has seen me through so much already that I have no doubts that if I put in the work, I will be rewarded. God is too good.

tear

Josh's grandmother passed away today. She was so stinkin sweet. It makes me so sad. Times like this make me glad that I am a girl. I would have had a couple of good cries and gotten out my emotions but Josh is a guy and thats not how they work. Hopefully his family will wait until Saturday to have the funeral so both of can go and not miss school. I am trying my hardest to be supportive and comforting so I really want to be there for him. It was so hard when I couldn't go to his grandfather's funeral earlier this year. Just keep him and his family in your prayers as they go through this rough time.

Club Target

Since the freshman are just moving in, this week is Welcome Week. I never go to any events. Even when I was a freshman, I just never went to anything. This year its totally different. I went to fan day yesterday with Josh and my family. Then tonight we went to Target after hours (10:30 when they close at 10). It was a complete success. I went because I needed to get a few more shirts for pharmacy school. We got there a few minutes early and there was a huge line waiting outside. They were handing out free cokes and coupons books. Since I haven't had a coke since January 1st, I took the coupons. Once we got inside it was like Club Target. They had music playing, a DJ, free samples...it was craziness. I looked around a little bit for some clothes and got some things for our 2 year scrapbook. Then once we were leaving they gave us all goodie bags. I have to give it up to Target for the quality of the bags. There was everything from tampons, to colgate wisps, to 5 gum, to combos. There was even 4 different kinds of deoderant. It was probably the best goodie bag that I have ever gotten. It was a good little experience to have with the roomies, Josh, and Vince.

The last time I went to the doctor, She told me I had a heart murmur. I have to go back in tomorrow to get an EKG. Even though its not a big deal, I am still a little nervous. I am making Josh go with me to hold my hand :)  Just keep me in your prayers tomorrow at 1:30.

baggage

This is a little lengthy and a little honest so bear with me. This morning we all went to Church of the Highlands here in Auburn. My cousin Tyler just moved to Auburn (sweet freshman) so he tagged along to try it out. The message was just so amazing. We are doing a series called Baggage. It is all about how everyone has things that they carry around with them that just weigh them down and make the journey through life more difficult. Today's message was about relational baggage(some sort of deep hurt that we suffered and has even come to define us). We read this story in Genesis that is literally 6 verses long. It is Genesis 11:27-28;31-32. "This is the account of Terah. Terah became the father of Abram, Nahor and Haran. And Haran became the father of Lot. While his father Terah was still alive, Haran died in Ur of the Chaldeans, in the land of his birth...Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan. But when they came to Haran, they settled there. Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Haran."
I probably NEVER would have caught the point of this story. Terah's son HARAN died. God must have called him to go to Canaan for him to just pack up his family and go. However, on the way He went through a town called HARAN and he settled there and even died there. He could not get over the death of his son. To get from where he was to where God called him to be he had to get through that baggage. Terah never let go of that and it kept him from God's potential. That is the last time he is mentioned in the Bible. The point of this message was that Relational baggage keeps us from our potential and can also destroy our relationship with God. Every attack of the enemy is to keep you from your purpose. Pastor Chris also talked about how the relational baggage that we carry cant be healed until we release the people involved. Our relationship with people and Christ is inseparable. Jesus said "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:37-39. You have to love God AND love people. This is where it hit me like a brick in my forehead. Do I always love people? Do I forgive others the way that I want God to forgive me? I know the answer to that is a big fat no. There is one person in particular that I just cannot stand to even think about. They did and do things sometimes that just make me so angry I could hit something. Some of the things hurt me emotionally and some of them just make me mad as a fellow Christian. The biggest reason I don't like them is most definitely my relational baggage. I won't go into details but lets just say I cried over this thing and I still get very emotional if I talk about it. So this morning I was forced to ask myself...does this thing with this person keep me from what God wants to do with and through me? The answer could possibly be yes. This person could quite possibly have their own relational baggage because of me. I have no idea. But I am right now revealing the hurt, releasing the people involved, and refocusing on God's plan for my life. Job 11:13-16 says "Put your heart right, reach out to God...then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are past and remembered no more." That is solid right there.

shady golf

We discovered the world of USA Mini Golf last night. My parents and brothers were in town so we were trying to find something fun to do instead of just watching a movie or something. I had heard of it from my friend at church so we decided that we should try it out. We got some not so great directions and headed out. We got there and it was SO shady. It was pretty dark and we were the only people there. Once we got inside it wasn't too much better. It was most definitely shady but I had a blast! It is blacklight putt putt at night. Every hole is a different city in the US so they're all decorated differently. They even have little trivia questions about each city. Josh beat me by 1 so I came in dead last. Haha! It was really really fun. Thank you Opelika for a good family outing.

Rx for tissues

Today at orientation we watched the saddest movie! It was called Taking Chance. It was a true story about a 20 year old guy named Chance Phelps who was killed in Iraq. He was a marine and the movie was all about the process of getting him from iraq, cleaned up, and transported back to his family. Kevin Bacon was the main actor in it. It was an HBO movie but I hadn't heard of it. While we were watching it I basically forgot I was in a lecture hall with 150 people. I felt like I was in my living room watching it. You can look at more of his story on wikipedia here. There is also a link to the actual transcript written by Chance's military escort, Lt Col Strobl (Kevin Bacon's character). It was a VERY good movie but VERY sad. I recommend it but I also would precribe tissues :)

Day 1

Day 1 of pharmacy school is officially in the books. We got there a little early and me, Kim, Kira, Saige, Josh, and Vince all got to sit together. They gave us these huge packets of notes and readings. It was one of the longest and most boring days that I have had in a LONG time. I had no idea it was going to be that brutal. They did lectures on everything from how to use email and search engines to history of pharmacy. All I can say is that I am glad that's over and that we only have a couple of days left until we start real school. Now I am off to do my homework.

its official

Saturday night we went to the ATL to go to Medieval Times. I went to one years ago on choir tour with church but Josh had never been. After seeing it on cake boss I thought it would be a good surprise but of course he figured it out. It was alot of fun though. We had a fun little car ride out there, we went through the dungeon, and got slushies. We went for the red knight and he was awful. He lost right away. But we still had a great time. Then Sunday, I woke up with about 20 red bites on my legs. I still have no idea what they're from. I had a slight freak out since I had to wear a dress for graduation. But I got to spend time with my friend Amanda that went to Brazil with me last May. She was in Auburn for the weekend and I am so glad I got to see her. We had such a blast at church and at Earthfare. I tried one of their smoothies with the stuff that turns it all green and I might just be hooked. Then last night me, Kim, and Claire went to see Charlie St. Cloud as one last little roommate outing before Claire moved. It was SO GOOD! I cried within 5 minutes. I have to give it to Zac Efron. His acting was great. Go see it. The rest of Sunday I was cooking or cleaning.

As of about 3:45 today I am officially an Auburn University graduate! Some of my family came into town for the occasion (when I say some I mean half and that is still 14 people). We went to El Dorado for some yummy Mexican and presents.  Then it was off to the ceremony. It was so exciting! Josh was a trooper and sat through it all, and on his birthday nonetheless. I saw a lot of people that I didn't even know were graduating. Even sweet Katie Brock. Too bad I didn't get to see her little man Caleb. Some of my family that couldn't make it even got to watch it live online. Isn't technology just wonderful? After it was over we had some people over to our house because Claire, my roommate, graduated too. I made some delicious food and its almost all gone (thank goodness). We had pepperoni dip, homemade ranch dip, honeybun cake, and red velvet cake. Since today was also Joshua's 23rd birthday, I made him a homemade red velvet cake with cream cheese buttercream icing and I guess everyone liked it because its almost gone. I personally don't like red velvet cake nor do I like cream cheese icing. I made it just because Josh loves it and it is his birthday so he gets to decide. That's love.

Tomorrow is the big day. Day 1 of the next 4 years. Pharmacy school orientation starts at 8:00 in the morning. I am so excited to meet everyone and get a feel for what my life will be like for the next part of my education. I even get to order my stethoscope and blood pressure cuff this week. I cannot wait. Doctorate...here I come. I have to go to sleep now so I don't sleep through my first day as a professional student :)

p.s. Josh has my camera so I'll post a few pictures later.

lesson learned

I think I may have a stalker. An internet stalker that is. I guess I should consider it a good thing. After all, imitation is the highest form of flattery :) This person just does everything I am doing (that i post on this blog). Its weird and aggravating at times but I am going to look at the glass half full. Thank you blog stalker. I like that you think the things I do are cool enough to copy.

Last night I attempted to make petit fours. Mrs. Prissy, Ashley's mom, makes the best petit fours that I have ever had in my life. Instead of just asking her for the recipe, I found one online on cooks.com. I have gotten some good recipes off of there before. It sounded pretty legit so I figured I would try it. I bought all of the fixings and set out to make them last night. They were HORRIBLE! I haven't had very much bad luck in my baking but this was a disaster. I had high hopes after that delicious cake with almond buttercream icing but I was severely let down. The cake was pretty decent by itself but I definitely wouldn't call it delish. The icing was hard as a rock. It was like chewing candy on top of cake. I literally took the plates of them and dumped them in the trash. I finally did what I should have done in the first place and asked for the recipe. "You have not because you ask not". James 4:2. I learned my lesson.

Tomorrow I am going to try to make a red velvet cake for Josh's birthday. Noone I know has a recipe so this is the best I've got. Hopefully it won't be a disaster too.

above and beyond

Wednesday morning I took my last final of undergrad ever. While it is exciting for now, I know that I have 4 more years of finals ahead of me. Going into the test, I only needed a 40 to get a B or a 95 to get an A. Needless to say I was only aiming for the 40. We had an optional 4th test that we could take just in case we didn't make what we needed on the final. I turned in my test and the teacher graded it and told me that I got a 70. He said I could take the 4th test and try to get a 94 for an A. I told him that I was good with my B. He looked at me so strange and I left satisfied with the grade.After all, I am only trying to graduate, not keep up my gpa. It got me thinking. How often do we do that with Christ? He shows us an opportunity to be more, to do  more for Him and we choose not to do it because we are satisfied with where we are. We can go further but we didn't aim high so we are perfectly content with staying right where we thought we should be. Whether it is because we don't think that we're prepared to do the something extra, or we don't think we have the skills necessary we remain stagnant. He has been showing me this recently while I have been praying about Uganda. The thought of going to a foreign country for 6 weeks scares me a little. Although I know my God is so huge, the enamy of my soul tries to creep into my thoughts and convince me that I am ill prepared--God does't call the prepared he prepares the called. Acts 4:13 "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." that I can't be used--Acts 5:38-39 "For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God." that I am not going for the right reasons--Philippians 1:18 "But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice." that I will be in over my head--Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. that I have other things to do during that time Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 

God calls me to go above and beyond for His kingdom.

2 Timothy 1:8-10

So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life and immortality to light through the gospel.

seeking

I talked about in a post a while back about wanting to go to Africa and that I felt the God was nudging me in the direction of Uganda. I also posted about my cousin Tyler being in Uganda a few weeks ago. My whole family got together Sunday to celebrate birthdays. We started telling different stories about mission trips and Tyler began to tell us about Uganda. The whole time he was talking I felt the presence of Christ. Then, my cousin Morgan (Tyler's sister) started telling me about this girl who lives in Uganda and that she was probably going to go there next summer for 4 to 6 weeks as an intern. I was instantly jealous. I would LOVE to do that. I didn't really say anything then because I didn't want to seem like I was trying to impose or steal her idea or anything. But later I asked her what the girl's name was and what her orginization was called just to go check out what she does. I started to read her blog and look at her site and I was literally brought to tears. Morgan mentioned maybe me going next summer too. 4-6 weeks in Uganda would be so amazing and life changing. We both agreed I would have to pray about it before being all in. The rest of the night (instead of studying like I should have) I just turned on some music and spent some time in worship. Then this morning I went to Church of the Highlands for morning prayer. It was such an incredible time of seeking God's face in this and just asking Him to show me His will in this specific area. I started to picture children, including our compassion child Helen. The mere thought of those sweet precious souls makes my heart smile for days. I feel like God is continually confirming this mission whether it be with Morgan or some other way. I love that I serve a LIVING God who can answer me when I cry out to Him and give me guidance. If I had to rely on a statue of a dead man I would go crazy. I am going to continue to pray and seek God's will in this because there is still a few months. The thought of it scares me and excites me all at the same time. I feel like God is all in it but I need to make sure He wants me to be.