home sweet home

I am FINALLY back in Clay, Alabama. I have missed this. Not so much the place but most definitely the people. I know I only live 2 hours away but life is so busy right now that I have not been home since January. Tomorrow is Ash's shower and I can't wait to spend hours with my friends. Speaking of Ash, I finally found my shoes for her wedding. They are grey and so cute. Only problem is that they are 4 inch heels. If I kept them that way that would make me 6'3'' aka a GIANT so I am having them shortened an inch. Who even knew they did that? Thanks Opelika shoe repair. You are my hero for right now. I also am so incredibly bummed that I cannot go back to Brazil this year. I had money and everything and the dates of the trip changed just enough that I cannot go now. Next year when I have a real summer break, mission trips will be a top priority. I have been missing quite a bit.
I have learned so much this week about myself. No matter how much I say that I am over things or that I do not care about them, I do. Even if I try to tell myself I don't care, that does not make it true. Some people are put here to see if you mean what you say. Some people no matter what you do will always find a way to bring themselves back into your life even if they have no idea. I know I am supposed to forgive everyone all the time but sometimes it is easier said than done. Where is the line drawn between forgiveness and protecting yourself from that again? Yes things happened in the past. Yes you were told about them. But that does not make you exempt from their impact. I am an emotional person. I take things personally. Some things are incredibly important to me that some people don't find important at all. Some things hurt me and I never really get over them. I just have to live around them. I shove them to the side and shrug it off. I rest in the fact that God knows that about me because he made me. For that reason He knows how to help me deal with that imperfection in myself. It is so cool how God uses things to teach us. Things that hurt my feelings every time they are brought up only shove me deeper into the comfort of Christ. People will always let you down. Always. But Christ never never will. That in itself completely blows my mind. We are human and we will feel pain and hurt and disappointment and we won't always feel great about everything but God promises good things.
Romans 5 3-5 "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." (NLT)
No matter how many times certain people hurt my feelings, no matter how many times I make big deals out of small ones, now matter how many times certain hurtful things keep getting brought up, ALL of these things will bring me closer to God and his love that is constantly surrounding me. So bring it on world.

I Will Not Take My Love Away
by: Matt Wertz
I will not take my love away
When praises cease and seasons change
While the whole world turns the other way
I will not take my love away
I will not leave you all alone
When striving leads you far from home
And there's no yield for what you've sown
I will not leave you all alone
I will give you what you need
In plenty or in poverty
Forever, always look to me
And I will give you what you need.