so long insecurity...and computer

I had to drop off my computer at the pharmacy school so they could load some programs on there. I dropped it off wednesday morning and still haven't gotten it back. Since its friday, I won't have it back until at least monday. This is terrible timing to be without my computer. I have finals in less than one week and have slides galore to look through. Everything else I can handle since I have a mini computer as a cell phone but I can't get on blackboard on my phone. This is putting me behind on studying and stressing me out. However, since I am without my computer I started reading a book. Not one that's required for pharmacy school (like I should) but a Beth Moore book called So Long,Insecurity. I started reading it and I'm obsessed. I have already teared up once and I am only on page 60. I read it for only an hour and I had to force myself to stop reading it and start looking over anatomy. When I am done reading it, I'll post what God taught me. So far, its that everyone is insecure, jealousy is the direct result of some sort of threat, and that God is THE ONLY security that is absolutely permanent. There is no man, friend, family member, association,etc. That will never disappoint you. If you place those unrealistic expectations on those relationships, then you're doomed for insecurity. No person or thing can live up to perfection. Only Christ. I am most definitely insecure about a lot of things so I can't wait to get into and finish this book!

stethoscope

So I officially feel like I am on my way to becoming

DR. Blackshear

I am picking out my stethoscope and sphygmomanometer (blood pressure cuff). I have gotten all of my shots so I don't catch things from my patients. I have turned in all of my paperwork. I have even read one of the books. However, none of those things made me feel like it was any different than normal. Picking out a stethoscope is definitely feeling different. I am officially going to begin professional school. I am going to be working towards my Doctorate! It still doesn't seem real but I am sure that it will hit me very soon after I start. This is a big deal and a HUGE blessing. I will not take a moment of it for granted...including picking out my pink stethoscope :)

worry wart

I made the dutch oven bread. The bottom was so hard I had to just cut it off, but the rest is delicious! I will definitely be making that again. Maybe there is something I can do to make the bottom a little softer...hopefully :)  I also FINALLY painted the armoire! I bought a paint sprayer and it was a breeze! Here is a before and after.

There are so many changes that will be happening in my life in the next 2 weeks. Josh is moving dow the road, I am getting a new roommate named Saige and losing my roommate Claire, Josh will be a year older (23! Old man!), and I am going to graduate undergrad and start Harrison School of Pharmacy. It is all a little strange. It is all scary but exciting at the same time. I like change, I really do, but when it is actually time to change I get a little stressed. By far the most stressful to me is starting pharmacy school. While I am extremely thankful that I got in and I am so ready to start, I am worried. I did not have the easiest time getting through my difficult undergrad classes. Then I see people who breezed through the classes I thought were so hard, and theyre struggling through pharmacy school. This makes me believe I have no hope.Then i read something that said worry and fear is essentially doubting God. Wow. How stinkin true is that?! When I worry that I will fail out of pharmacy school I am doubting that God is with me and will give me the tools that I need to do well. When I think about other people's performance I am taking credit away from the fact that God already got me into a very competitive program. People I know would LOVE to take my place in a heartbeat and I am worrying. God got me in and He WILL not fail me once I get there. No matter what the devil tries to make me believe, God is powerful and He is bigger than any test I will ever take. He got me here and he will bless me in this time in my life. I pray everyday that I can find peace in that knowledge. I cannot let worry be an issue. I refuse to be a worry wart.

disney, moving, and almond buttercream

It has been a pretty busy week. Last Wednesday, Josh drove and I rode the whole 8 hour trip to Orlando. We talked and sang and got Slurpees at 7-eleven. We had so much fun just getting there. The next day we got up SUPER early and spent the entire day at Islands of Adventure. The Hulk has got to be one of the best roller coasters I have ever ridden. The way it shoots you out of that tunnel is crazy. We rode everything we wanted to and even got to do everything in the wizarding world of harry potter (if you have seen the lines you know how big of a deal that is). I am not a harry potter fan myself but it was still neat. Dad even treated everyone to a Hard Rock Cafe dinner. Josh loved it because they had so much Beatles, Zeppelin, and Pink Floyd stuff. They even have a Lennon room at their hotel. Then the next day (my BIRTHDAY!) we went to Magic Kingdom. I have never been before so it felt like my 6th birthday instead of my 22nd. We saw Mary Poppins, the queen of hearts and the I'm late rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, Snow White, Cinderella, and we even got our picture taken with Woody and Jessie. The parade was awesome and the fireworks were so good. Needless to say we have lots of pictures for Josh's niece, Tesney. Saturday, we made the long drive back again. We ended up barely listening to music because we were just talking the whole time. The whole trip was so much fun. It was good to spend time with my family. It is just so great that my parents love Josh (especially my dad) and Josh loves them. Sundat we made it to church even though we were both so so tired and it was so great. Being in fellowship with other believers is just so refreshing.

Josh is moving into a new duplex like a street away from me so that will be convenient. We have been packing up his house now and it is so crazy. Boys are jusr so dirty. Its like it never occurs to them that they might want to clean the fridge every so often. So now we have a little over a week to get his house squeaky clean. Hopefully we can get it done in time. I have been making him throw away things because I refuse to let him become a hoarder :) We made a huge donation to the thrift store yesterday and I have a few more huge garbage bags full to take tomorrow. Out with the old is the moving motto this next week.

Today I decided to finally paint my armoire and I needed strong Joshua to come help me drag it outside. For his payment I decided to make him a little lunch. I made hamburgers, homemade french fries, and homemade ranch dip. For dessert I bought a stars and stripes funfetti cake. Those who know me understand my love affair with funfetti cake. I started the cake and it got me in the mood to bake. I bought the fixings for wedding cake and Dutch Oven Bread. I haven't made the bread yet but the wedding cake was THE BOMB! I kinda stole the recipe so I wasn't quite sure about eveything I wrote down but I decided to wing it. It was my first attempt at the cake and the icing but it turned out to be my new love! The icing is a homemade almond buttercream icing. It is so rich and delicious. I made it super late tonight and made claire get off the phone and kim get dressed to come out and try it. It is like a wedding cake it is so good. The cakes themselves kinda fell apart but i fixed it up pretty nice. Needless to say house 69 is overflowing with baked goods so come over and eat friends! I am going to try the Dutch Oven Bread tomorrow since Joshua bought me a dutch oven for my birthday.

I have no idea what my next little food adventure is going to be but I hope it is half as good as this wedding cake turned out to be.

Kampala

Most of you have probably heard about the recent bombings in Kampala, Uganda.

  

This picture is from a restaurant called Ethiopian Village.

There were tons of people at this restaurant watching the World Cup when a bomb went off killing many innocent people. Some people were injured but some people miraculously walked away without a scratch. Some of those people were people from Alabama. Read their real life stories af what happened. Catherine's blog and Allen's blog. These blogs literally moved me to tears. God is too incredible for words. The news stories are horrifying and I absolutely CANNOT imagine living through it personally. My cousin Tyler was also in Kampala at the time of the bombings. He was not close to the actual bombings though, thank God. His team has not been there long but they are staying despite the bombings. They are going to change their plans a little bit but they are going to continue to share Jesus with the people of Africa. He is the one they so desperately need and there is no better time than now. Please keep Tyler Werk and his team in your prayers. Pray for their safety and that God uses them in a HUGE God-sized way. God can and will use this event that is of the devil to bring the lost to Him. I cannot wait to hear Tyler's stories of God's greatness when he gets home. Until then, I am trusting God with Tyler's impact on those he comes in contact with and with his safety.

Here I am, send me.

Im sure that everyone knows about The Nutty Bavarian. They have little nut stands in every mall pretty much and they always annoy you. They even have them in Brazil. I know because I took a picture. Well their stuff is really good. Shady...yes but good nonetheless. Well my love of recipes has rubbed off on Josh. He found a recipe. We made it last night. It. Was. AMAZING. We did pecans. We had to control ourselves and not eat them all so we could save some fro our trip to Orlando this week. I was a little skeptical about the recipe, especially when we were making it. It turned out great and I think we just found a new favorite thing. For now anyway.

Today's sermon at church was so good. Pastor Chris talked about Defining moments and how they can shape us in either a positive or negative way. They can either make us run from God or run TO God. He used Isaiah 6:1. He talked about how we have to ask God to show us the areas in our lives that are not of him (Jeremiah 17:9-10, Psalm 139:32-24). When we ask he will show us but we will see that gap between us and Christ. We then have to ask Him to cleanse us of those things (1 John 1:8-9). But those 2 things are for a purpose. We need him to show us and cleanse us so that he can SEND us (1 Peter 2:9-10). We are created for a purpose and that is to know Christ and make Him known. This does not necessarily have to be going to other countries. You can DO right here where God has placed you in this moment. Don't let the defining moments push you away from Christ. Run to Him in those times of troubles and tragedies. Remember He is FOR you. Romans 8:31 If God is for us, who can be against us?

Kari Jobe--You Are For Me
So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness

I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are
So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

chairs

Tonight after Josh got off work we had a little date night. We went to see Despicable Me. It was SO SO very good. I laughed, and i even teared up a little at the end. I would, and probably will, recommend it to everyone! After that when I got home, I was looking at this cute little chair thats similar to my zebra chair and I got to thinking. I already have the zebra chair, and if I get this one I only need a couple more to put around a table. I started bbm-ing Josh and I asked him if we could could have a black table with all different chairs when we (eventually) get married. He said yes and I promised that I wouldn't make our house too girly because I know he would hate that. Then I thought....I LOVE that even though we know we can't even really think about getting married for quite a while because of school, it doesn't freak Josh out to talk about future things. I seem to talk about it alot lately since I feel like everyone but me is getting married or even just engaged. I am sure sometimes he wants to smack me, but I like the thought that I can talk about my future house with the person who I want to live in it with. It is a good enough feeling since I can't join in all the ring and wedding planning excitement with everyone else right now. My time will come and when it does I will have a black table with all different chairs...and Josh.

give it up

We have to read a book for HSOP orientation called Lies and Self Deception. Its cool how God uses anything to teach us. I have only read the first 30 pages and I already got a lesson. Even while reading this book that I am ill that I have to read in the first place, God grabs my attention and teaches me something. Basically the whole gist of it is that when you aren't being sincere, people feel it and they react to the feeling not the words. No matter what you're saying or even how you are saying it, your true feelings always come through. This is true also in our daily walk. Sometimes you try to just put on a smile and act like everything is fine when inside you are crumbling. I know I do this at times. I did it from the time I got deferred to the time I got accepted. I tried to act like it was fine and that I was ok with not being quite good enough but I wasn't. And people could tell. There have been plenty of situations where I was all fine and dandy on the surface but when I came home I cried for an hour. Sometimes all you need is for someone to sense that and be a shoulder to cry on. I am beyond blessed to have some pretty amazing friends, a completely understanding boyfriend, and a wonderful family. Sometimes I try to run to them first for help. However, I have the ultimate comfort just a whisper away. When I just go to Christ with it first it always ends up better than I could have imagined. Even if there is no resolution there is a sense of peace and a hope that no matter what happens....God is with us. Just talking it out with the One who is in control is indescribable. No matter what we are going through He is there. Sometimes we have a ton to say. Sometimes we only have a few words. Sometimes all we can do is sit and cry. God knows the words that our tears are saying.

Desert Song--Hillsong
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

God always knows what is going on inside even when you can fool everyone else. He is still God and we will always have a reason to worship Him.
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Just give it up.

firecracker

This weekend was so much fun. Friday, both me and Josh were off work/school so we hung out all day. We ran some errands, saw Grown Ups, made a delicious dinner, and then went back to my house and I made flag cupcakes while josh watched tv with my roommate Claire. Saturday I worked at Josh's CVS. It was a little weird. Their store is set up completely different and they do things pretty different too. It was cool to do something different though. I hear his stories but seeing it for myself was a completely different thing. It was also weird riding to work with Josh and working with him. I'm used to only being able to text him at work. We did the same thing today. Working on the holiday stinks but that time and a half intern pay is too good to worry about it :) Although it was weird, it was alot of fun. I just like being with josh even if I'm filling prescriptions while he is typing them in. After we got off we came back to my house and made hot dogs, homemade french fries, and pizza dip. It was so delicious and PERFECT for today. The fries were so so good. We bought a french fry cutter thing that was a complete waste of money. I ended up just cutting them with a knife like I should have from the beginning and it was much easier. After dinner, we went to the fireworks at the park with my roommates. It was pretty good for Auburn. They were big, they were pretty, and there were alot of them. I was impressed. Overall, it was a really good 4th of July weekend. And it isn't over yet. I don't have class tomorrow (for some reason) which means i get to sleep in!

ugandals

These magazine necklaces, bracelets, and even shoes must be all the rage in uganda because I found another site that sells them thanks to KD. The site is called 31 bits. They sell all different types of necklaces and bracelets. There is also a link on their site to Ugandals by Reef. I love Reef shoes. I have a couple of pairs. These shoes have the little magazine beads on the front of them. My goodness they are so cute. Check them out here. It is so cool that there are ways that you can help from home. Sponsor a child, buy a necklace, buy shoes. There are so many ways to just help. If you are going to buy jewelry or shoes anyway, why not help out some Ugandan women at the same time? Galatians 2:10 "All they asked was that you remember the poor, the very thing I was eager to do".

in a box

Over the past few days in my quiet time, I have been reading in Galatians. Chapter 2 really hit me hard. It talks about how "by their hypocrisy even Barnabas was led astray" (2:13). Paul calls Peter out in front of everyone and he says "You are a Jew, yet you live like a Gentile and not like a Jew. How is it, then, that you force Gentiles to follow Jewish customs?" It is so detrimental to the cause of Christ when a Christian says one thing but does another. How can we tell others about Jesus and the things he tells us if we don't follow them ourselves. There are things that the Lord tells us not because he doesn't want us to have fun, but because he loves us and knows us personally. There are things he wants to protect us from. It might not be the "cool thing" or you might be "lame" but hey even Edward Cullen waits until he's married to have sex :) Even if you think noone knows what you do, people will always find out and it always does damage to what you say. I know it is so cliche but you really may be the only Jesus some people see. Whether it is at work, at school, or even at home, you never who is watching and listening to you. At SWITCH (church or the highlands high school ministry) we talked about the 1 Corinthians box. It is a reference for whenever you need to make a choice. There are 4 sides to the box and 4 verses.

The Verses: (NLT)

1 Corinthians 10:32 Don't give offense to Jews or Gentiles or the church of God

1 Corinthians 6:12 You say "I am allowed to do anything"--but not everything is good for you. And even though "I am allowed to do anything," I must not become a slave to anything.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price so you must honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 8:13 So if what I eat causes another believer to sin, I will never eat meat again as long as I live--for I don't want to cause another believer to stumble.

Put any decision in the box. If you break a side, you should not do whatever it is in the box. But if you can keep it in the box then it is probably ok. If you are in a situation and you're unsure, just put it in the box.