give it up

We have to read a book for HSOP orientation called Lies and Self Deception. Its cool how God uses anything to teach us. I have only read the first 30 pages and I already got a lesson. Even while reading this book that I am ill that I have to read in the first place, God grabs my attention and teaches me something. Basically the whole gist of it is that when you aren't being sincere, people feel it and they react to the feeling not the words. No matter what you're saying or even how you are saying it, your true feelings always come through. This is true also in our daily walk. Sometimes you try to just put on a smile and act like everything is fine when inside you are crumbling. I know I do this at times. I did it from the time I got deferred to the time I got accepted. I tried to act like it was fine and that I was ok with not being quite good enough but I wasn't. And people could tell. There have been plenty of situations where I was all fine and dandy on the surface but when I came home I cried for an hour. Sometimes all you need is for someone to sense that and be a shoulder to cry on. I am beyond blessed to have some pretty amazing friends, a completely understanding boyfriend, and a wonderful family. Sometimes I try to run to them first for help. However, I have the ultimate comfort just a whisper away. When I just go to Christ with it first it always ends up better than I could have imagined. Even if there is no resolution there is a sense of peace and a hope that no matter what happens....God is with us. Just talking it out with the One who is in control is indescribable. No matter what we are going through He is there. Sometimes we have a ton to say. Sometimes we only have a few words. Sometimes all we can do is sit and cry. God knows the words that our tears are saying.

Desert Song--Hillsong
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

God always knows what is going on inside even when you can fool everyone else. He is still God and we will always have a reason to worship Him.
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Just give it up.