education.

I love coming home but as soon as I get here I think of a million things that I could be doing that might be a little more fun back in Auburn. If I magically got a genie and got 3 wishes I would wish for all of my friends and family move toAuburn. My second wish would be to live life for a few days in the brain of my amazing roommate emma thompson. I still don't have an idea about the 3rd but maybe it will come to me someday (thats beside the point) I love coming home to the people but the stuff to do here is limited. And living with your parents and siblings who still have to go to work and school is weird too. I have been asleep by like 10 because they wake me up at 7 when they leave. That doesn't happen at AU. I miss having my own things. ::for those of you who don't know, my parents turned my room into a playroom for my brothers when I moved out:: The only things that are mine in this house are the things I bring with me and my prom dresses. I always took for granted juts the fact that some things are mine. I guess that is always the case when you have them. Like the quote "you don't know what you've got til its gone". I didn't know how great it was having my own room, my own bathroom, my own closet, even my own bed until times like these when I am living out of a suitcase and sleeping on a 12 year old stinky boy's bed. Maybe these times are good for me because it makes me appreciate the little things. Sure all of us forget to be thankful for things most of the time. Maybe we just need to be reminded what it would be like to not have those things. Sadly one of my dad's best friend passed away on Wednesday morning. That also got me thinking about the people I take for granted. It just made me think what it would feel like if one of my friends died suddenly. I cannot even imagine. I love every one of them. Even the ones who I don't talk to all the time and don't see very much. I still love the fact that they are even just a little part of my life. Christ gives but he also takes away. He uses everything to tech me and show me what he wants me to learn. I am learning from the greatest teacher in the history of the world. I am so thankful for the things he gives but sometimes it is the times that he takes things away from me that teach the most.


on a lighter note(not to my father) I made the dreaded D in anatomy which means I will get to do it all over again another semester.

random is the life.

I absolutely LOVE this time of year. There are so many fun things going on, the alabama weather is awesome, its finally normal for me to be listening to my Christmas music, and school is pretty much over. However, this is also the time of year when it slaps me in the face that I don't have a man friend. Yesterday the roomies were talking about having all of their "dates" over one night for a little get together and BONUS...i don't have one. I refuse to let it bother me when I have so many good things going on. They can have their party. I'll just go hang out with cooler people :) Anyways, enough about that. I realized today that I have not been on facebook for almost a month and a half...pause for the shock...It doesn't feel like that long. maybe because I don't really miss it. I have been so busy that I have had better things to do. I do miss seeing everyone's pictures or talking to people that I don't get to see all the time but don't really call. But for the most part it has been pretty awesome. Sure I have not been invited to some things because people STILL don't remember that I didn't get their facebook invite...because that's official. I am sure I will get back on it eventually but I want it to be something I check every now and then, not every day 90,000 times a day. My little cousin Jack came up to me at Thanksgiving and said "I saw your facebook." His parents had shown him mine one day. He then told me very excitedly, "I get mine in 2 years." haha. I love little kids. Especially the ones in my family. I am going to go on a movie date with my cousin Molly when I go home. She is 7 and she gets to pick the movie. I can't wait! When I go home I will get to see my friends and my family and I am so pumped. I think this weekend my bestest friend in the whole wide world is going to come visit me! She is such a blessing. People think I'm funny but they don't know Melissa Sims. We stay on the phone for like hours each day just laughing so hard we cry. I am so incredibly blessed with solid Christian friends that have been my friends for a long time now. There is just nothing like a Christian friendship. I love it. I'm praying about small groups for this upcoming semester. I feel like God had just been laying on my heart to lead a strictly fellowship/hang out/get to know other Christians college small group. I thought about doing it this semester but it just didn't happen. I know from personal experience that the friendships that really last are the ones built on Christ. But you just don't get the chance to make those lasting friendships on a sunday morning when you greet 3-5 people. That's the whole reason Highlands does small groups. because that's where true life change happens. Proverbs 27:17 says "As iron sharpens iron so one man sharpens another." Whenever you get believers together even if you're just hanging out, eventually Jesus Christ will come up. You don't always have to be studying the word to get what Christ wants to teach you. I am praying about it but I have gotten a lot of confirmation so I'm almost 100% positive I'll be doing it. I just love how when you're uncertain about things Christ always lets you know he is right there with you and he is supporting you no matter what. He is just awesome like that.

This is the most random post ever but I haven't slept since 8:00 yesterday morning so I blame it on the delrium.

analysis.

Taking a trip back to my microeconomics class...this week/weekend has been full of cost benefit analysis. I have had to think about the costs and benefits of every choice. This week I had to choose to study instead of hanging out with my friends. I chose to bond with my roommates over taco soup and the victoria's secret fashion show instead of going to wednesday night service. I chose to not go home for a Christmas party to stay in AU and go to a friend's birthday party and study. In every choice there is an opportunity cost. It is the value of the choice not chosen. I realized that my faith in Jesus Christ has its own set of opportunity costs. When I choose Jesus each day there are things that I am not choosing. I am not choosing the world and the things in it. I am not choosing people. I am not choosing actions. I am not choosing a lot of things. But what is their value? The value of saying yes to Christ is too great for me to even know it all. The other things pale in comparison of having Jesus in every part of my life. I used to focus on the "rules" of being a Christian and I sometimes questioned the opportunity cost. Pastor Chris gave an example that really put it into perspective for me. He was talking about being faithful to his wife. He said if he wakes up every morning and slaps himself on the hand all day thinking "Don't cheat. Don't cheat. Don't cheat" he probably wouldn't cheat but it might end up making him resentful. Or he could wake up every single day and fall in love with his wife. If he falls in love with her all over again everyday, cheating will be the furthest thing from his mind. That struck a chord with me. Our relationship with Jesus us the same. If we focus on all the "do's and do not's" then we're going to become resentful and jealous. However, if we get up everyday and simply fall madly in love with Christ, we won't even desire the things of this world. They will be the furthest thing from our minds. I am so grateful that I serve a living God. One who is real in my life. Not a statue or something I have to abide by specific rules to worship him. I wish more than anything that everyone would come to know this love that I know. It will change your life. It isn't merely an option anymore. It is everything.

pray

Prayer. We take it so for granted that we can talk to the savior of the world whenever we please. There is such a power in a simple prayer. I have been praying for my switch girls these last few days. Ive been trying to pray specifically for each and every one of them by name. Some days I miss a few (sorry) but most days I do pretty good. It is so awesome to see God working in their lives. I pray that they stick with Jesus and never put anything before him. I want so badly to protect them from everything that I went through and the things they most assuredly will too. But I can't. All I can do is be an example and show and teach them what not to do and what to do. But ultimately it is their choice. Live out their faith...or sink into the background. This is something I feel for my little bros too. I just wish I could fast forward their lives through high school and college without them having to be surrounded every day by an intense amount of the enemy. I feel like every day it gets harder and harder for youth today. Evern a few short years ago when I was in high school I wasn't exposed to some of the things my 13 year old brother is in 8th grade. Its terrifying. But at the beginning of each of my days I do have something that is different. I have prayer. God is totally in control. And we need to let him be. Instead of worrying so much we have to learn to trust Christ with everything. Not just the easy things. I have to learn to trust that he is actually going to provide someone for me, he is going to show me what steps I need to take next for career choices, and he is going to use me exactly how he wants to. No matter what I do, or what plans I make HIS WILL is going to be done. Psalm 33:11 says "but the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." Proverbs 16:9 says "in his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." No matter what I do the Lord is still in control. I just have to trust it.

insomnia

I don't know why but for some reason I can't sleep. I have stayed up all night more nights in the past month than I have in my entire life combined. Normally I am at least an 8 hour girl. I need my sleep. I love and enjoy my dates with my wonderful bed. Maybe it is because I have so much on my mind or because I am so stressed. That would make a little sense. But on nights like tonight when I don't have homework, a test tomorrow. or anything else to be stressed about I just don't get it. I am awake and watching my high school choir tour and camp videos. I am of course crying. I miss my friends. That is the only part about college I do not like. I miss them. All of them. Even the ones who I wasn't as close to I still miss them. We were awesome. High school was awesome. I love yall. I cannot wait to see everyone for our annual Christmas party. I look forward to that almost more than I look forward to actual Christmas. Is that weird? nah... Every year we're all different but we still have the same love for each other that we have always had. In high school all of the adults told us there would never be another class like ours and I know now that they were right. We're the best...even if they always tried to cheat us out of it at camp :) Thanks for the memories...oh davey. What I wouldn't give to play the inner tube game one more time. Stephen, Micah, Josh, and Grant in girls shirts dancing around on stage will never be duplicated. We got to do everything even when we weren't seniors. That is until ashlee vinyard threw a water balloon at stephen hall and craig caufield. Mistake but always hilarious.I want to go back to Give Kids the World, Cafe du Monde, the Alamo, or anywhere else with every one of you guys. I will always be tempted to bust a move when I hear Free Ride or Carry On at a football game. (i will refrain but i'll still be tempted).....ahhhh MEMORY LANE! I love and miss you all and I cannot wait to see you for Christmas break. seniors 06. oh 6 oh 6 oh 6 oh 6 oh 6 oh 6. :)

refuge.

This weekend I am chaperoning a youth trip. It makes me a feel so adult. I cannot wait. I am in constant prayer for my girls but this week I am directing my prayers specifically towards refuge. It is going to be so amazing for these kids but it also going to be so amazing for me. I just need to feel Christ in and all over me. I haven't felt that in a while. I have just had a surface relationship with Christ lately and I desoerately need to go deeper. It is mostly my fault. I haven't devoted enough time to Jesus. It is so easy to leave my bible on my bedside table and not touch it for a week except when I go to church. I am so busy I have trouble managing my time and instead of giving Christ my first bit of time, I have tried to squeeze him in between the madness. It reminds me of an example my dad did when I was little. He held out a glass. He poured rocks in the the cup and said that they represented school. sports, boyfriends, friends, etc. Then he took a ping pong ball that represented God and tried to push it into the glass with all of the rocks in there. The ball wouldn't fit. He poured the rocks out, put the ball in FIRST and then poured the same amount of rocks in. When you put God first, everything else in your life can fit. But you cannot try to put everything else in first or it won't work. I know that is a little corny but I haven't ever forgotten it. Some days I feel like if i take a little time out of my day to pray and spend time in the word that I will run out of time. It is exactly the opposite. But of course me being the stubborn woman that I am don't realize that I am doing it until it is already done. God is trying to help me get it all done but I am the one in the way. This weekend I pray that God gets me out of the way of myself. And I pray that he uses me in the lives of these girls. They are so precious to me but they are most precious to their heavenly father. I am incredibly blessed to even play a tiny part in their lives. Christ has designed this opportunity for every single person on the trip. I know for me there will be far less distractions and I hope that I don't miss a minute of what God in store for me. I cannot wait to see the impact of this weekend and the ripple effect that it will have when its all over. God is so good. All the time. He alone is our REFUGE.

REFUGE–noun
1. shelter or protection from danger, trouble.
2. a place of shelter, protection, or safety.
3. anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

fighting.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13

The devil is so tricky. I cannot stand him. I HATE him actually. He can turn the smallest things into huge stumbling blocks because he is an expert. He has studied me and he knows exactly what he can do to keep me from EVERYTHING that Christ has for me. He will never keep me from Christ but he can keep me from being more. He makes me have so much school that I barely have time for a quiet time much less church or fellowship. He can make it extremely difficult for me to forgive that crazy ex boyfriend who won't leave me alone. He can whisper little things in my ear that shoot my self-esteem straight into the ground. I cannot win. But I always remember that I have Jesus Christ on my side. I don't have to fight alone. He is all around me and always protects and sheilds me. He is my armor. He fights right beside me and when I am too tired to fight anymore he steps in front of me. No matter if I am discouraged, tired, angry, hurt, or stressed I will always remember that Christ has already won! No matter how hard it is I can look forward to knowing even if I'm failing I'm not close to losing. I know it doesn't matter because I have a secret weapon on my side.

to the max.

Stress. the main word in my life at the moment. I cannot do anything this week but study. I have taken a few breaks and it has costed me. My week and the beginning of next week looks like this. Tuesday morning, Micro test. Tuesday night, Anatomy lab quiz. Thursday morning, Anatomy test. Thursday afternoon, Micro lab quiz. Friday morning, Spanish composition. Tuesday night, Anatomy lab practical. Wednesday morning, Spanish interview. And that is just the tests. I have homework everyday in some classes. All of that while trying to juggle commitments that I have made. I cannot even think straight. I have been to the point of tears 2 times already. This is madness. These are the times where it is extremely difficult to remind myself that this is worth it. I have to try my hardest to make good grades but when I have weeks like this, my test score cannot and will not depict what I actually could have learned given adequate time to prepare. Instead, I will probably do poorly on my anatomy test tomorrow seeing as how I have just begun studying for it. I haven't been on facebook for over a week now. That is crazy to me. It has been so good. People still don't really understand that I don't get on it at all. It really gives me alot more to talk about because I'm so out of the loop. But even being out of the loop girls still find ways to try to bring me into their drama. I however am having none if it. If you cannot talk to the person about your problem with them you sure shouldn't be talking to me about it. Sorry if this sounds very whiny but I don't have time to talk to real people so this is my venting. I feel like this week has made me seem uninterested and uncommited. I have has to miss things I normally would and need to be at. I have to remind myself that in this season of my life I am first and foremost a college student. Not a switch leader. Not a mat cat. Not a member of a small group. I am all of those things but only because I am at auburn...for school. It is so hard for me to put school first because it is the least fun out of everything that I do. Believe it or not, I do not enjoy school. It is also hard because I have found myself to be a "yes girl". I have a very hard time telling someone no when they ask things from me. I try to be super committed to everything but it comes down to the simple fact that I cannot be. I have to know when I can say yes and wehn I need to say no. I have been better at that this week since I am completely overwhelmed. Since I am stressed, I am getting easily aggravated at things that I normally would just brush off. I am normally a roll with the punches kind of girl so its weird for me.AHHH! I have a ton of things going on in my head and in my life right now and I just feel like I'm cracking under the pressure. Good thing I have a God who still loves me when I suck at life.

happy feet

*Romans 10:14-15 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
*Isaiah 52:7 How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"

It has been my mom's dream to go on a trip with Happy Feet International. I looked up their website because my church back home does a lot of work with them. How amazing is it that they go to countries all over the world and give shoes to children. Free all because of the love of Christ. Not only do they get a little pair of socks and shoes, the volunteers wash their feet. Service that is a beautiful act. The kids get clean beautiful little feet that get new socks and shoes too. As they sit there, their entire families get the opportunity not just to hear but also experience just what Christ is all about. Love. I talked to my mom today and I think God has really laid on my family's heart to take a trip with HFI. We might let it be our "christmas gift" to each other next year. A family "vacation" to do what Christ called us to do. GO. amazing. I bought my first pair of toms shoes today so some little child will be getting a pair too. I looked into going on one of their trips. They do US shoe drops and I would totally love to go on one of those. This whole thing just warms my heart. I am going to start praying for God to show me what opportunities he wants me to take part in. He will provide and he is in control. I just have to seek his will. If I don't, I can make all of these plans but it will probably blow up in my face. I do not know what God has in store for me but I am pretty sure it includes beautiful feet. for me and others.

cry me a river

Since I came to college I have become more and more like my mother everyday. Especially when it comes to emotions. Me, my dad and the brothers used to laugh at mom during sad parts in movies. She would be trying so hard to hold back the tears and then she would say "I can't help it that God made me so emotional." Now I am the same way. I cry at anything. A good movie, a good book, a wedding, a sweet song, a rough time, and even sometimes just for the sake of a good cry. "Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly." --Sam Slick. God made women as emotional creatures. I am eternally grateful for that now. Someone--I have no idea who--once said "sometimes tears are the only words you have left." God knows every feeling, every thought, and every word you are trying to say when the tears start to fall. You don't have to try to figure out how to put into words what you're feeling. He already knows. God allows things to happen (especially when you pray for them to) so that he can work it all for good. In romans 8:28 it says "and we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." He uses everything to teach, rebuke, correct, and train us. It also brings us even closer to him. I know in my own life, every time something doesn't go my way or I felt something was supposed to be one way and it ended up another, I learn more and more to be obedient to my Savior. His will is perfect and I am not. I am stubborn and think at times that I can do it better alone. Then I get my world rocked and it shows me that God is in control and he knows what he's doing. I used to have the mentality of -put on your big girl panties and deal with it- but now I know without a doubt that I don't have to. God is already doing it. In and through me. I don't know about every other woman but I love my Jesus more with each tear that drops because I have one ounce less of something that God needed to get out. "Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts." --Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860.

happy halloweenie.

THE competition. of course cory came away victorious.

andrew, cole, cory, steven.

my roommate, Pocahontas.

steven, cory, me, lv, andrew.

So me and LV didn't plan on dressing up for halloween. I planned on only dressing up on saturday night for a social but the great thing about college is that plans change last minute. So instead of sitting at home we went and played dress up in my closet, met a half dressed sheriff, and witnessed cory win a dance contest against a jabawockee. i think that qualifies as a great night.