pray

Prayer. We take it so for granted that we can talk to the savior of the world whenever we please. There is such a power in a simple prayer. I have been praying for my switch girls these last few days. Ive been trying to pray specifically for each and every one of them by name. Some days I miss a few (sorry) but most days I do pretty good. It is so awesome to see God working in their lives. I pray that they stick with Jesus and never put anything before him. I want so badly to protect them from everything that I went through and the things they most assuredly will too. But I can't. All I can do is be an example and show and teach them what not to do and what to do. But ultimately it is their choice. Live out their faith...or sink into the background. This is something I feel for my little bros too. I just wish I could fast forward their lives through high school and college without them having to be surrounded every day by an intense amount of the enemy. I feel like every day it gets harder and harder for youth today. Evern a few short years ago when I was in high school I wasn't exposed to some of the things my 13 year old brother is in 8th grade. Its terrifying. But at the beginning of each of my days I do have something that is different. I have prayer. God is totally in control. And we need to let him be. Instead of worrying so much we have to learn to trust Christ with everything. Not just the easy things. I have to learn to trust that he is actually going to provide someone for me, he is going to show me what steps I need to take next for career choices, and he is going to use me exactly how he wants to. No matter what I do, or what plans I make HIS WILL is going to be done. Psalm 33:11 says "but the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." Proverbs 16:9 says "in his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." No matter what I do the Lord is still in control. I just have to trust it.

insomnia

I don't know why but for some reason I can't sleep. I have stayed up all night more nights in the past month than I have in my entire life combined. Normally I am at least an 8 hour girl. I need my sleep. I love and enjoy my dates with my wonderful bed. Maybe it is because I have so much on my mind or because I am so stressed. That would make a little sense. But on nights like tonight when I don't have homework, a test tomorrow. or anything else to be stressed about I just don't get it. I am awake and watching my high school choir tour and camp videos. I am of course crying. I miss my friends. That is the only part about college I do not like. I miss them. All of them. Even the ones who I wasn't as close to I still miss them. We were awesome. High school was awesome. I love yall. I cannot wait to see everyone for our annual Christmas party. I look forward to that almost more than I look forward to actual Christmas. Is that weird? nah... Every year we're all different but we still have the same love for each other that we have always had. In high school all of the adults told us there would never be another class like ours and I know now that they were right. We're the best...even if they always tried to cheat us out of it at camp :) Thanks for the memories...oh davey. What I wouldn't give to play the inner tube game one more time. Stephen, Micah, Josh, and Grant in girls shirts dancing around on stage will never be duplicated. We got to do everything even when we weren't seniors. That is until ashlee vinyard threw a water balloon at stephen hall and craig caufield. Mistake but always hilarious.I want to go back to Give Kids the World, Cafe du Monde, the Alamo, or anywhere else with every one of you guys. I will always be tempted to bust a move when I hear Free Ride or Carry On at a football game. (i will refrain but i'll still be tempted).....ahhhh MEMORY LANE! I love and miss you all and I cannot wait to see you for Christmas break. seniors 06. oh 6 oh 6 oh 6 oh 6 oh 6 oh 6. :)

refuge.

This weekend I am chaperoning a youth trip. It makes me a feel so adult. I cannot wait. I am in constant prayer for my girls but this week I am directing my prayers specifically towards refuge. It is going to be so amazing for these kids but it also going to be so amazing for me. I just need to feel Christ in and all over me. I haven't felt that in a while. I have just had a surface relationship with Christ lately and I desoerately need to go deeper. It is mostly my fault. I haven't devoted enough time to Jesus. It is so easy to leave my bible on my bedside table and not touch it for a week except when I go to church. I am so busy I have trouble managing my time and instead of giving Christ my first bit of time, I have tried to squeeze him in between the madness. It reminds me of an example my dad did when I was little. He held out a glass. He poured rocks in the the cup and said that they represented school. sports, boyfriends, friends, etc. Then he took a ping pong ball that represented God and tried to push it into the glass with all of the rocks in there. The ball wouldn't fit. He poured the rocks out, put the ball in FIRST and then poured the same amount of rocks in. When you put God first, everything else in your life can fit. But you cannot try to put everything else in first or it won't work. I know that is a little corny but I haven't ever forgotten it. Some days I feel like if i take a little time out of my day to pray and spend time in the word that I will run out of time. It is exactly the opposite. But of course me being the stubborn woman that I am don't realize that I am doing it until it is already done. God is trying to help me get it all done but I am the one in the way. This weekend I pray that God gets me out of the way of myself. And I pray that he uses me in the lives of these girls. They are so precious to me but they are most precious to their heavenly father. I am incredibly blessed to even play a tiny part in their lives. Christ has designed this opportunity for every single person on the trip. I know for me there will be far less distractions and I hope that I don't miss a minute of what God in store for me. I cannot wait to see the impact of this weekend and the ripple effect that it will have when its all over. God is so good. All the time. He alone is our REFUGE.

REFUGE–noun
1. shelter or protection from danger, trouble.
2. a place of shelter, protection, or safety.
3. anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

fighting.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:10-13

The devil is so tricky. I cannot stand him. I HATE him actually. He can turn the smallest things into huge stumbling blocks because he is an expert. He has studied me and he knows exactly what he can do to keep me from EVERYTHING that Christ has for me. He will never keep me from Christ but he can keep me from being more. He makes me have so much school that I barely have time for a quiet time much less church or fellowship. He can make it extremely difficult for me to forgive that crazy ex boyfriend who won't leave me alone. He can whisper little things in my ear that shoot my self-esteem straight into the ground. I cannot win. But I always remember that I have Jesus Christ on my side. I don't have to fight alone. He is all around me and always protects and sheilds me. He is my armor. He fights right beside me and when I am too tired to fight anymore he steps in front of me. No matter if I am discouraged, tired, angry, hurt, or stressed I will always remember that Christ has already won! No matter how hard it is I can look forward to knowing even if I'm failing I'm not close to losing. I know it doesn't matter because I have a secret weapon on my side.

to the max.

Stress. the main word in my life at the moment. I cannot do anything this week but study. I have taken a few breaks and it has costed me. My week and the beginning of next week looks like this. Tuesday morning, Micro test. Tuesday night, Anatomy lab quiz. Thursday morning, Anatomy test. Thursday afternoon, Micro lab quiz. Friday morning, Spanish composition. Tuesday night, Anatomy lab practical. Wednesday morning, Spanish interview. And that is just the tests. I have homework everyday in some classes. All of that while trying to juggle commitments that I have made. I cannot even think straight. I have been to the point of tears 2 times already. This is madness. These are the times where it is extremely difficult to remind myself that this is worth it. I have to try my hardest to make good grades but when I have weeks like this, my test score cannot and will not depict what I actually could have learned given adequate time to prepare. Instead, I will probably do poorly on my anatomy test tomorrow seeing as how I have just begun studying for it. I haven't been on facebook for over a week now. That is crazy to me. It has been so good. People still don't really understand that I don't get on it at all. It really gives me alot more to talk about because I'm so out of the loop. But even being out of the loop girls still find ways to try to bring me into their drama. I however am having none if it. If you cannot talk to the person about your problem with them you sure shouldn't be talking to me about it. Sorry if this sounds very whiny but I don't have time to talk to real people so this is my venting. I feel like this week has made me seem uninterested and uncommited. I have has to miss things I normally would and need to be at. I have to remind myself that in this season of my life I am first and foremost a college student. Not a switch leader. Not a mat cat. Not a member of a small group. I am all of those things but only because I am at auburn...for school. It is so hard for me to put school first because it is the least fun out of everything that I do. Believe it or not, I do not enjoy school. It is also hard because I have found myself to be a "yes girl". I have a very hard time telling someone no when they ask things from me. I try to be super committed to everything but it comes down to the simple fact that I cannot be. I have to know when I can say yes and wehn I need to say no. I have been better at that this week since I am completely overwhelmed. Since I am stressed, I am getting easily aggravated at things that I normally would just brush off. I am normally a roll with the punches kind of girl so its weird for me.AHHH! I have a ton of things going on in my head and in my life right now and I just feel like I'm cracking under the pressure. Good thing I have a God who still loves me when I suck at life.

happy feet

*Romans 10:14-15 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
*Isaiah 52:7 How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"

It has been my mom's dream to go on a trip with Happy Feet International. I looked up their website because my church back home does a lot of work with them. How amazing is it that they go to countries all over the world and give shoes to children. Free all because of the love of Christ. Not only do they get a little pair of socks and shoes, the volunteers wash their feet. Service that is a beautiful act. The kids get clean beautiful little feet that get new socks and shoes too. As they sit there, their entire families get the opportunity not just to hear but also experience just what Christ is all about. Love. I talked to my mom today and I think God has really laid on my family's heart to take a trip with HFI. We might let it be our "christmas gift" to each other next year. A family "vacation" to do what Christ called us to do. GO. amazing. I bought my first pair of toms shoes today so some little child will be getting a pair too. I looked into going on one of their trips. They do US shoe drops and I would totally love to go on one of those. This whole thing just warms my heart. I am going to start praying for God to show me what opportunities he wants me to take part in. He will provide and he is in control. I just have to seek his will. If I don't, I can make all of these plans but it will probably blow up in my face. I do not know what God has in store for me but I am pretty sure it includes beautiful feet. for me and others.

cry me a river

Since I came to college I have become more and more like my mother everyday. Especially when it comes to emotions. Me, my dad and the brothers used to laugh at mom during sad parts in movies. She would be trying so hard to hold back the tears and then she would say "I can't help it that God made me so emotional." Now I am the same way. I cry at anything. A good movie, a good book, a wedding, a sweet song, a rough time, and even sometimes just for the sake of a good cry. "Every woman is wrong until she cries, and then she is right - instantly." --Sam Slick. God made women as emotional creatures. I am eternally grateful for that now. Someone--I have no idea who--once said "sometimes tears are the only words you have left." God knows every feeling, every thought, and every word you are trying to say when the tears start to fall. You don't have to try to figure out how to put into words what you're feeling. He already knows. God allows things to happen (especially when you pray for them to) so that he can work it all for good. In romans 8:28 it says "and we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." He uses everything to teach, rebuke, correct, and train us. It also brings us even closer to him. I know in my own life, every time something doesn't go my way or I felt something was supposed to be one way and it ended up another, I learn more and more to be obedient to my Savior. His will is perfect and I am not. I am stubborn and think at times that I can do it better alone. Then I get my world rocked and it shows me that God is in control and he knows what he's doing. I used to have the mentality of -put on your big girl panties and deal with it- but now I know without a doubt that I don't have to. God is already doing it. In and through me. I don't know about every other woman but I love my Jesus more with each tear that drops because I have one ounce less of something that God needed to get out. "Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts." --Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860.

happy halloweenie.

THE competition. of course cory came away victorious.

andrew, cole, cory, steven.

my roommate, Pocahontas.

steven, cory, me, lv, andrew.

So me and LV didn't plan on dressing up for halloween. I planned on only dressing up on saturday night for a social but the great thing about college is that plans change last minute. So instead of sitting at home we went and played dress up in my closet, met a half dressed sheriff, and witnessed cory win a dance contest against a jabawockee. i think that qualifies as a great night.